Max-stravaganza

Look.   I don’t know why you keep bringing me in for questioning.   I’ve already told you where I was on that day.   I was having brunch, celebrating the birthday of my buddy Pete D. Clutter.   We were eating slow-roasted pork belly with kale pesto and I was telling Petey about this new home skincare remedy that works miracles-- Okay.   Fine!   You got me.   I’ll talk about the heist.   But I swear that I never met Keyser Soze.   I don’t even think that he exists.   So it’s late night and I get a text telling me to go to this one address .   I walk into this room.   Small room.   Very cramped.   But thanks to some simple décor hacks they opened it up by utilizing negative space.   And waiting in said space are three other crooks.   One guy was a crafty son of a bitch.   Could break into any building.   Dario Ignacio Yontez.   We called him “DIY.” Keaton was a born leader. ...

“Star Wars” Screenwriter: George Lucas Page count: 127pgs Genre: Science Fiction Draft date: November 29, 1974 Logline:  After discovering that his father was a legendary warrior, a farm boy becomes entangled in an intergalactic civil war. Comments:  STAR WARS is a fairly conventional story that isn’t quite unique enough to stand out from the other sci-fi properties.  It’s nothing more than the classic Hero’s Journey set against the backdrop of outer space.  The writer’s feeble attempt at world building merely consists of name-dropping extraneous alien species, spacecraft and weapons .   There is no real substance or original ideas   in STAR WARS, leading to a decent if forgettable read. PLOT While the act structure is serviceable and hits the requisite beats, the plot is fairly standard, going from station to station (sometimes literally).  After a text-heavy exposition dump at the top, we move into an alien world featuring a ...

Hogan v. Andre - 1987 JUSTICE O’CONNOR delivered the opinion of the Court. Today, we are faced with the unprecedented question of whether or not Mr. Hogan had the ability and legal claim to bodyslam Mr. the Giant.  The Court finds that Mr. Hogan did, in fact, have standing, then dropped the leg and legally got the three count.  Both Alexis de Tocqueville and Dusty Rhodes would agree that Mr. Hogan’s demonstration of American perseverance exemplified this country’s greatness. The ruling is AFFIRMED. JUSTICE BLACKMUN dissenting. John Quincy Adams once stated, “Americans should not go abroad to slay dragons they do not understand in the name of spreading democracy.”  This ruling reinforces both Mr. Hogan’s jingoism and the “might makes right” mentality that fuels the Reagan Administration’s foreign policy.  The Hulkster, while having a legal claim to his title belt, is setting a dangerous precedent for this industry.  "Because we're the good...

There’s this old joke: Two Dornish whores are walking through Casterly Rock.   One turns to the other and says, “These Lannister men are pigs.”   And the other says, “I know.   And none of them have tried to force themselves upon us.”   And that’s how I feel about life right now.   Despite being surrounded by dragons and handmaidens and an army of Dothraki marauders, I’m still very much alone.   I’m talking “Sylvia Plath exiled to the Night’s Watch” levels of loneliness and isolation.   Don’t get me wrong, I’m used to being abandoned.   My earliest memory is the sack of Dragonstone when I was smuggled out of the city as Stannis Baratheon murdered every last member of my House.   But this time is different.   This one actually hurts.   I had someone in my life this time.   Drogo and I were in love.   Granted, I was originally treated like property and sold off to him as a way of consolidating power, but you can’t be t...

Congratulations! You have received a survey request from POST DATE SOLUTIONS. Since asking someone out on a second date requires 99.99% certainty that the answer will be “Yes,” we at PDS specialize in analyzing quantifiable data to determine whether or not you are interested in going out again. Recently, you grabbed drinks with BRAD CHARLES , who has retained our services. Please fill out the following questionnaire to help us (and Brad) avoid second guessing and figure out how to proceed. Your feedback is key not only for ascertaining the likelihood of another date, but also for the continued improvement of our clients. 1) Brad asked you out by calling you up on the phone. Did you find this to be: A) Personal and old fashioned B) Too forward. He should have just texted. 2) At the beginning of the date, your opinion of Brad was: very favorable, somewhat favorable, favorable, neither favorable nor unfavorable, somewhat unfavorable, very unfavorable 3) Brad suggested the bar at whi...

Guys, we need to have a serious conversation about this current atrocity.  After the horrific events that occurred on Wednesday, I sat down and posted an eloquent and well thought out response. I was able to mourn while also forcing us to confront the real reasons behind it. By sharing a personal anecdote, I connected myself to the tragedy in order to show that we aren’t so far removed from what we see on the news. We all live in the same world and we need to take ownership of that fact. As it stands, it currently only has six likes. Six. This is unacceptable.  Dakota Baker posted a meme of an inspirational JFK quote and it has over 47 likes. Sandra Gutierrez simply posted “When will this country finally say ‘Enough is enough?’” And she’s getting comments like “^^^THIS!” and “Amen” and “Can’t agree more!” Four people even clicked “Share.” Are you serious? There’s no substance to that post. What is there even to share? I mean, the picture I posted on F...

The Parable of the Great Samaritan A man was traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho when thieves robbed him, attacked him and left him for dead.   First, a priest came down the road, but he passed by and kept riding.   Then came a Levite, who also walked away without helping the man.   Then came a Samaritan, who took pity and showed him mercy.   He said, “My friend, let us find the evil men who did this to you.” “The robbers?” “Oh no.   We’re never going to catch them.   And besides, they’re probably poor, disenfranchised men who are just trying to provide for their families.   I mean the Levite and the Priest.   We can make an example out of those wealthy, privileged, blind-eye-turners.” So they hunted down and found the Levite and the Priest in their respective hometowns and publicly shamed them.   “Why could you not be bothered to help?   Do you lack basic human decency?”   Those two would forever be remembered as ...

We’re still not sure for whom this episode was intended.   Fans absolutely hate it.   Those involved in the production disown it.   The cast despises it.   It consistently ranks among the worst installments in the franchise’s history. “Threshold,” the 1996 episode of Star Trek: Voyager , is an hour of television with no real purpose.   Bereft of logic, there is no lesson learned and the consequences of the episode are never mentioned again.   If this were Friends , it would be known as “The One Where Tom Paris Mutates Into a Salamander and Spawns with Captain Janeway.” And it also happened to be the episode that hooked me on Star Trek. I encountered “Threshold” when I was nine-years-old, at the height of my pre-pubescence.   It hit the trifecta for elements that excite pre-teen sci-fi fans: Brazen scientific exploration, the freakshow factor, and weird implied sex scenes.   My folks were in the other room so I watched the show as thou...

“Cycles” By Max Davison If it weren't for the fact that we aren't attracted to one another, Cassie Peterson and I would be married by now. Or at least in a monogamous committed relationship in which we refuse to get married as a way of defying the cultural norm (her idea, not mine). I’m sure that there is some alternate universe where we’re living together. Some Earth-2 version of us where we're smiling, spending our Saturdays at Pottery Barn, laughing at the couples who are having legitimate arguments about place settings. We go mini-golfing not because of the kitsch factor but rather because we love the competition and neither of us can drive worth a damn. Yes, it would all be perfect except for that one snag: neither of us has any inclination. She's my friend. Purely Platonic. And I will now pause while you have the following reaction: *cough* Yeah right *cough*. Glad that's out of your system.  It's an argumentative friendship that occasionally...