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Screwcap wine bottles, You're dead to me.

Yeah. It's been a while since the last entry. At least I'm still managing to outperform David Delgado.

My non-denominational Holiday break was composed of much celebration of a religious manner as well as my own personal church, the First Congregation of NetFlix. The tone was similar to one of those days when you were sick in Middle School. You had to wait until 3:30 when school got out to call a friend and get the homework assignment, and due to your illness you couldn't logically do anything physical. So you sat down on the couch with a glass of Sprite and watched tons of crappy daytime TV (read: The View, Katie Couric and whatever local morning news was on). Well, the years have gone by and that glass of Sprite has been replaced with Sierra Mist and crappy daytime TV (which, in fact, is still crappy and full of women that I can't stand *cough* Star Jones you will always be fat to me *cough*) is now composed of my NetFlix queue and episodes of Best Week Ever on VH1. Actually, for a station that has a program about the "Best" items of the past seven days, it's full of programming so bad that it makes "Jake in Progress" look like "Sports Night."
So I offer to you this overview of "VH1 shows that are ruining our nation more than John Kerry and Al Franken combined."
1. Celebrity Fit Club. Although promising in its positive basis (overweight celebs try to get their lives back on track), I have a problem with the misleading title. Yes, it is indeed a club (although I haven't been offered membership), and the purpose of said organization is to get more "fit." However the definition of "Celebrity" has been stretched to its basic cable limits. No, you will not see Rob Reiner or Jack Black or Oprah or the fat Dixie Chick on VH1. Rather you get Chastity Bono, Young MC, Jeff Conaway, that comedian from Last Comic Standing (another blog entry in itself), and Bruce Vilanch. These are the people that are even below the C-listers who appear every week on "Dancing with the Stars" or "Skating with Celebrities."
2. Flavor of Love. A bunch of crazed black women compete for the affections of Flava Flav.
Do we need yet ANOTHER show that reemphasizes black stereotypes? We already have the entire UPN network.
3. Hogan Knows Best. This show answers the question that I, for one, have been asking for some time: What is the wrinkled giant known as Hulk Hogan like as a father and a husband? NEXT.

And what's funny is that it is STILL superior to MTV.

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we want more blogs!!!

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