I had to go to Pitzer last week to get my final study abroad course form signed. I timed myself and it takes me only 8 minutes 42 seconds of brisk walking to traverse two campuses and get there. I only had to cross Mills and I was already in another world. You would think that 8 minutes wouldn't change your surroundings too much, but it was like I walked through a magical wardrobe or got swept up in a tornado or started tripping on LSD. But this time I didn't see fauns or munchkins or Jim Morrison telling me to shoot everybody (although I did find a dealer within my first two minutes on Pitzer). No, rather I got a lot of weird looks from people dressed like John Lennon before he got shot (read: Urban Outfitters). It's as though Pitzer students have a seventh sense about people like me. Their spidey sense starts tingling and immediately they all think "Voted for Bush! Kill! Kill! Kill!"
But the mere fact that this campus is so different from every other one at Claremont got me thinking: why do they stay in the consortium? I know that it's entirely to boost their sense of accomplishment. These are the students who buy those "THE CLAREMONT COLLEGES" sweatshirts they sell at Huntley. Honestly folks, why would a self respecting CMC student purchase one of those? We're better than the rest of the colleges here, why would you want to be associated with them? Let Scripps and Pitzer students buy them as a way of elevating themselves.
My views on 5C immigration have already been published, but now I've come up with a new tactic. I'm currently taking a class about the road to the Civil War and it got me thinking...Pitzer and the antebellum South have a lot in common. They're both completely different from the rest of the Union. They both think that they're superior to everyone else despite obvious statistical data that they're not. Their input to society can easily be replicated elsewhere (i.e. the West could have produced cotton and does Pitzer really supply the Pomona-Pitzer teams with any credible athletes?). All the South has ever contributed to society was the cotton gin and William Faulkner. Pitzer...not so much. And while I'm not going to insinuate that Pitzer employs slave labor...they DO all vote against the party of Abe Lincoln, so take that as you may.
Long story short, I believe that Pitzer should secede from the Union and get the hell away from the rest of us and marry their attractive cousins.
It would be beneficial for all of us...except for Kyle Salter who's convinced that Pitzer girls are the most attractive. For KSalt and others like him, we can issue a temporary sex visa that lasts 8 hours...12 if you qualify for re-entry. But that will be it. Their dining hall sucks. Their murals look like five year olds threw up on canvas. And that luau they threw during orientation nearly made me want to transfer. And have you ever had a class with Pitzer students? Two ideas that obviously haven't made their way north of 9th street: Military Spending and Showering.
So if you agree, please e-mail me so we can start the crusade.
Thank you, and go with Christ.
But the mere fact that this campus is so different from every other one at Claremont got me thinking: why do they stay in the consortium? I know that it's entirely to boost their sense of accomplishment. These are the students who buy those "THE CLAREMONT COLLEGES" sweatshirts they sell at Huntley. Honestly folks, why would a self respecting CMC student purchase one of those? We're better than the rest of the colleges here, why would you want to be associated with them? Let Scripps and Pitzer students buy them as a way of elevating themselves.
My views on 5C immigration have already been published, but now I've come up with a new tactic. I'm currently taking a class about the road to the Civil War and it got me thinking...Pitzer and the antebellum South have a lot in common. They're both completely different from the rest of the Union. They both think that they're superior to everyone else despite obvious statistical data that they're not. Their input to society can easily be replicated elsewhere (i.e. the West could have produced cotton and does Pitzer really supply the Pomona-Pitzer teams with any credible athletes?). All the South has ever contributed to society was the cotton gin and William Faulkner. Pitzer...not so much. And while I'm not going to insinuate that Pitzer employs slave labor...they DO all vote against the party of Abe Lincoln, so take that as you may.
Long story short, I believe that Pitzer should secede from the Union and get the hell away from the rest of us and marry their attractive cousins.
It would be beneficial for all of us...except for Kyle Salter who's convinced that Pitzer girls are the most attractive. For KSalt and others like him, we can issue a temporary sex visa that lasts 8 hours...12 if you qualify for re-entry. But that will be it. Their dining hall sucks. Their murals look like five year olds threw up on canvas. And that luau they threw during orientation nearly made me want to transfer. And have you ever had a class with Pitzer students? Two ideas that obviously haven't made their way north of 9th street: Military Spending and Showering.
So if you agree, please e-mail me so we can start the crusade.
Thank you, and go with Christ.
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