Okay, there are plenty of things that women can improve upon. I won't get into a long, rambling list (as I normally would) since I'm cramped for time. Instead, I'll just get to the point:
All girls who are going abroad should break up with their boyfriends beforehand.
Too many times (8) have I found an attractive and approachable girl, only to be immediatley crushed by a sentence beginning with the words "My boyfriend."
Girl A: Wow, it looks like your steak is a little rare.
Me: Yeah, real men eat their meat as red as possible,
Girl A: My boyfriend once got food poisoning from eating an undercooked burger.
Or
Girl B: Yeah, Bobby Orr was one hell of a forward.
Me: That's really cool that you know so much about hockey.
Girl B: My boyfriend is our goalie.
Nothing good can ever come from "My boyfriend..." sentences. It's like going up to Superman and saying "I've got this hunk of kryptonite..." Actually, "My boyfriend got trampled in the Running of the Bulls" would work, but I've yet to encounter this one. Pretty much, everything's going well and you feel like you've just been injected with a powerful aphrodesiac made from the pockets of a pocket fox. And then "My boyfriend" hits you like the equivalent of a cold shower and thoughts of Great Aunt Judy's arm fat. It's a cruel illusion to play on a guy. If I listened to Jewel, I might even call it a foolish game (But I have a pair of testicles, so I won't). So now I've got to find a way to filter out the single girls from my radar screen. It's like skipping through all the Christmas music on your iPod when you set it to shuffle.
You see, I was considerate enough to make myself available before heading off to a foreign land. I only expect that girls have the same level of courtesy. You're in a distant country. You shouldn't have a 170lb anchor holding you down back home (Sidebar: if your boyfriend does happen to weight more or less 175lbs, I assure you that I can totally beat his probably-unfaithful ass down). By holding on to this loser, not only are you wasting a fortune in phone bills, but you're depriving yourself of other awesome guys that may come around while abroad. You know, maybe a dry-witted English major with great hair and an appreciation for rare red meat and the old school Boston Bruins?
Dump him right now. Because let's face it: I'm better looking and he's without a doubt cheating on you as we speak.
-MGD
Tobias: You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised a number of couples to explore an open relationship where the couple remains emotionally committed, but free to explore extra-marital encounters.
Lindsay: Well, did it work for those people?
Tobias: No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but...it might work for us.
That's what she said of the day:
(Referring to the American flag)
He's been trying to get it up for about two hours now.
All girls who are going abroad should break up with their boyfriends beforehand.
Too many times (8) have I found an attractive and approachable girl, only to be immediatley crushed by a sentence beginning with the words "My boyfriend."
Girl A: Wow, it looks like your steak is a little rare.
Me: Yeah, real men eat their meat as red as possible,
Girl A: My boyfriend once got food poisoning from eating an undercooked burger.
Or
Girl B: Yeah, Bobby Orr was one hell of a forward.
Me: That's really cool that you know so much about hockey.
Girl B: My boyfriend is our goalie.
Nothing good can ever come from "My boyfriend..." sentences. It's like going up to Superman and saying "I've got this hunk of kryptonite..." Actually, "My boyfriend got trampled in the Running of the Bulls" would work, but I've yet to encounter this one. Pretty much, everything's going well and you feel like you've just been injected with a powerful aphrodesiac made from the pockets of a pocket fox. And then "My boyfriend" hits you like the equivalent of a cold shower and thoughts of Great Aunt Judy's arm fat. It's a cruel illusion to play on a guy. If I listened to Jewel, I might even call it a foolish game (But I have a pair of testicles, so I won't). So now I've got to find a way to filter out the single girls from my radar screen. It's like skipping through all the Christmas music on your iPod when you set it to shuffle.
You see, I was considerate enough to make myself available before heading off to a foreign land. I only expect that girls have the same level of courtesy. You're in a distant country. You shouldn't have a 170lb anchor holding you down back home (Sidebar: if your boyfriend does happen to weight more or less 175lbs, I assure you that I can totally beat his probably-unfaithful ass down). By holding on to this loser, not only are you wasting a fortune in phone bills, but you're depriving yourself of other awesome guys that may come around while abroad. You know, maybe a dry-witted English major with great hair and an appreciation for rare red meat and the old school Boston Bruins?
Dump him right now. Because let's face it: I'm better looking and he's without a doubt cheating on you as we speak.
-MGD
Tobias: You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised a number of couples to explore an open relationship where the couple remains emotionally committed, but free to explore extra-marital encounters.
Lindsay: Well, did it work for those people?
Tobias: No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but...it might work for us.
That's what she said of the day:
(Referring to the American flag)
He's been trying to get it up for about two hours now.
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