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Doctor my eyes have seen the tears...

Octopus's Garden is slowly becoming my favorite Beatles song. Normally, an elitist bastard such as myself would choose a song by George Harrison to admire. And all of the ignorant fans in the world only know Paul and John. For some reason all of my favorites are sung by Mr. Richard Starkey, aka Ringo Starr.
Yellow Submarine.
With a little help from my friends.
People always give him credit for being "the luckiest man alive," but he doesn't get half the respect that he deserves for his singing/songwriting ability.

But seeing as last night I put my heterosexuality in doubt (shut up, Mario), I think that tonight I'll blog about something unmistakable masculine.

Jack Bauer

For those of you who either live under a rock or hate America, Jack Bauer is the single greatest government agent to ever life. No offense to Jack Ryan, but Mr. Bauer has the most intense days of any man alive. You think your days are tough when you have three classes? Imagine if your wife and daughter got kidnapped while you're tracking down a plot to assassinate a presidential candidate on the day of the California presidential primary. Yeah. That's how intense Jack Bauer is.
What makes him even more awesome is that he started out as a LIT MAJOR at UCLA. He gives me hope for the future. After his undergrad work, Jack got his M.A. in criminology from Berkeley. A born leader, Jack then found himself in the elite Delta Force of the US Army. While there, he took part in an operation to take out Balkan war criminal Victor Drazen. Eventually, Mr. Bauer became the head of the Counter Terrorist Unit and is currently dead in the eyes of the US government after faking his death to ensure that the rat bastard Chinese couldn't get any secrets about US policies.
Why do I worship this man? Because the ends justify the means to Jack Bauer. He is willing to do ANYTHING to protect and serve his nation. He chopped off his own partner's right hand in order to diffuse a bomb. He got ADDICTED TO HEROIN so that he could infiltrate some Columbian drug lords. Jack has, in 4 days: stopped a nuclear device from going off in LA, stopped a potential international war, prevented every nuclear plant in the US from going critical, quit his heroin habit in ONE HOUR, tortured god knows how many men, and killed well over a thousand. Let's put it this way: If you were to play a game of "24 shots" when you drink everytime Jack killed a man, you'd have alcohol poisoning in less than half an hour.

I salute you, Jack Bauer. You are a real american hero.


P.S. RED WINGS RULE!

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