Nothing lasts forever, even cold November Rain

I'd like to give a huge shout out to two very underutilized and underappreciated individuals of the world. There were many people who crossed my mind when I considered "underappreciated." The butler from The Fresh Prince. John Irving. Joe Randa. Myself. William McKinley. But I finally decided on the two individuals who would most benefit from being mentioned on my blog.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm talking about none other than Hawkman and Count Chocula.

Hawkman
When people think about the Justice League, Carter Hall, aka "the winged wonder," is oftentimes forgotten. I could ramble on for a while about his history and continuity in DC comics, but I'll spare you. Rather, I'll just say that he has wings, carries a mace and has a hairy chest that just screams "VIRILE." Many children grow up wanting to be Superman or Batman or Wonder Woman or (god forbid) Iron Man. Hawkman never gets any respect. When was the last time you were really afraid of a bat? A hawk, on the other hand, is a predator. Long story short, Hawkman could beat down Bruce Wayne in a fight.

Count Chocula

Yeah, the old Count doesn't get enough street cred. Sure, he's a blood sucking vampire (or as I like to refer to them, Democrats). But he's a blood sucking vampire who cares about the children. The starving children of the world. He cares so much that he's willing to give them a new breakfast cereal full of chocolately goodness...which is still part of your balanced breakfast. Were giant supplies of Count Chocula dropped over poor areas of Africa, the Count would be in charge of Live-Aid instead of Bono. Hell, Count Chocula would be the frontman for U2.

Also, del Taco on tuesday nights is truly the happiest place on earth. Long Live Del Scorcho!

Day 4, and I'm one day closer to my hunger strike. David, to paraphrase Puffy - update or die.

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HR's Response to the Always Be Closing Speech

--> Dear Mr. Blake- My office has received numerous complaints in response to Tuesday’s speech to the sales team re: the Glengarry leads. These troubling accusations detail inappropriate conduct such as: verbal abuse, workplace bullying, emasculation, damage to self-esteem and emotional health, and the overall fostering of a hostile and cutthroat work environment, all of which flies in the face of the mission statement and core values of Mitch & Murray Real Estate. You employed inflammatory language and certain epithets that you can’t use anymore (and never should have been able to use, if we’re being honest), leading to a speech that was offensive to a multitude of groups, even those not present in the room (Note to self: We should make a concerted effort to hire at least one woman to our sales staff). In another office, any of these infractions would be grounds for termination. Per our company guidelines, however, we are now consideri...

Quick Hit

My rule of thumb regarding heavy drinking has always been: Go as hard as you want, but make sure that someone else in your party is drunker than you are. That way, the next morning as your friends decompress the night and tag photos on Facebook, they'll say, "Yeah, you were pretty sloshed last night, bro. But did you see Reginald? That dude blacked out, tried to put a bouncer in the figure-four leglock, and then texted his mom to brag about it!" No matter how crazy you acted, no matter how many women slapped you for being sexist, no matter how many off color jokes you told (that you swear are funny but everyone else just didn't understand the context), no matter how badly you wrecked your credit card statement by buying drinks for people you had never met before, you can sleep well knowing that the other guy is going to pull focus. Well, that's essentially Newt Gingrich's role at the GOP debates. *****

The man who will NEVER Die

Apologies to everyone who's been bitching about me not updating my blog. Maybe this is indicative of how militant people without blogs are....until they decide to start one and get understandably lazy. Let me put it this way: the grass is not as easy to mow on the other side of the fence. And that was too awful of a metaphor for me to use. Moving on.... Recently, the New York Mets offered a two year deal to this man: Julio Franco I know what you're thinking. "Max, I really don't care about baseball to begin with. Why should a two year contract even interest me? By the way, Max, you're incredibly good looking and your bench press is SOOOOO impressive." Why should this deal excite you? Mr. Julio Franco, who has played first base for the Atlanta Braves over the past 5 seasons, is currently 47 years old. Yes. 47. As in the number after 46. When he fulfills his contractual obligations, he will be a 49 year old professional baseball player. Let me put it to you thi...

Max-stravaganza

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