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I got friends in low places


Does anyone else remember Chris Gaines? I was discussing an old episode of SNL with Marco and Ben Jr. when I discovered that Mr. Gaines is a forgotten relic of pop culture gone wrong. Allow me to elucidate the situation...

Gaines was born in 1967 in Australia to a pair of Olympic swimmers. He dropped out of high school to form a band called Crush, which released a popular song called "My Love Tells Me So", being inspired by, not surprisingly, the work of Garth Brooks. After a band member died in a plane crash, Gaines was dormant for several years before releasing a solo album, Straight Jacket, which remained in the Billboard Top 40 for 82 weeks and won four Grammys. Gaines then was involved in a serious car accident and required numerous plastic surgeries over the next two years, before releasing two more solo albums and being declared "the new Prince".

Since that day, what has become of Mr. Gaines? Some say that he is now a world champion curler for the Swiss national team. Others argue that he is residing in a small trailer park in Wisconsin, where he still writes his masterful songs and only shares them with the squirrels who surround him abode. My opinion? I think that after reading 'The Da Vinci Code,' he joined the priesthood and became a member of the Catholic Illuminati. You never know with Chris Gaines....you never know....

By the way, if I talked to you in any way, shape or form last night, I apologize.

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