What do I love most about the holiday season? The gifts? The music? The Jesus? Scrooge and Marley? Vacation? Tickle-me-Elmo? The menorah? A Muppet Christmas Carol?
The answer to all of the above question marks is: No.
What I most revere about this sacred time is the beverage known to mortals as eggnog. It's cool. It tastes good. It has a twinge of flavor at the end that makes you remember what exactly you're drinking. When enjoying a cool glass of...water, let's say. You can easily slip out of consciousness, let your mind wander and forget that you're currently swallowing some h20. If you attempt to transcend this plane of being while a glass of eggnog is in your right hand, you are instantly brought back to earth by the thought of "DAMN! This is good!"
Now, what bothers me about eggnog is the social taboo that it can only be consumed during the yule tide. Two words about that: BU and LLSHIT. I want to have a glass of eggnog with every meal from now on. I want Collins Dining Hall to have an eggnog dispenser right in between the soy and non fat milk.
SPEAKING of which...has anyone else noticed how damn slow the milk is at Collins? Other dining halls seem to have the concept of milk dispensal down (I'm talking about you, Frary). But at our dear Collins, it takes upwards of one minute to fill your glass. And I'm talking about the NORMAL sized glass. Not the miniscule, diminuitive ones that they try to pass off during weekends. Speed up the milk. Some of us could use the calcium. Imagine if a woman with osteoperosis went to Collins and said "Oh, dear heavens. My doctor said that if I don't get some milk immediately, I may break in two!" Well, lady, I'm afraid that your bones might as well be made out of glass since the dairy demons at Collins want us to suffer before we get our daily dosage of Vitamin D.
Similar to Cookie Monster's recent betrayal of all things sweet, Egg Nog is deemed a "sometimes food." Yeah, and Bill Clinton only "sometimes" got a blow job in the oval office.
Long story short, faster milk, more eggnog and I'll be happy.
The answer to all of the above question marks is: No.
What I most revere about this sacred time is the beverage known to mortals as eggnog. It's cool. It tastes good. It has a twinge of flavor at the end that makes you remember what exactly you're drinking. When enjoying a cool glass of...water, let's say. You can easily slip out of consciousness, let your mind wander and forget that you're currently swallowing some h20. If you attempt to transcend this plane of being while a glass of eggnog is in your right hand, you are instantly brought back to earth by the thought of "DAMN! This is good!"
Now, what bothers me about eggnog is the social taboo that it can only be consumed during the yule tide. Two words about that: BU and LLSHIT. I want to have a glass of eggnog with every meal from now on. I want Collins Dining Hall to have an eggnog dispenser right in between the soy and non fat milk.
SPEAKING of which...has anyone else noticed how damn slow the milk is at Collins? Other dining halls seem to have the concept of milk dispensal down (I'm talking about you, Frary). But at our dear Collins, it takes upwards of one minute to fill your glass. And I'm talking about the NORMAL sized glass. Not the miniscule, diminuitive ones that they try to pass off during weekends. Speed up the milk. Some of us could use the calcium. Imagine if a woman with osteoperosis went to Collins and said "Oh, dear heavens. My doctor said that if I don't get some milk immediately, I may break in two!" Well, lady, I'm afraid that your bones might as well be made out of glass since the dairy demons at Collins want us to suffer before we get our daily dosage of Vitamin D.
Similar to Cookie Monster's recent betrayal of all things sweet, Egg Nog is deemed a "sometimes food." Yeah, and Bill Clinton only "sometimes" got a blow job in the oval office.
Long story short, faster milk, more eggnog and I'll be happy.
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