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I'd like to thank the academy...

Yes, it's been a while since my last post. But if you know me, you'll understand that I've had far too much going on in my life to trifle with the blog. Yes, that's right: The McRib is back. And just for the record, I won't be making any "boneless pork" jokes in this entry. Nope, my humor is far above those sophomoric jokes about how we haven't seen this much boneless porking since Denise Richards and Neve Campbell in "Wild Things" or that Nancy Pelosi feels that if boneless porking is allowed to be served in our fast food restaurants, marriage between two consenting adults should be permitted. Yep, won't be touching that one.

Well, in honor of this holiday that Squanto refers to as "Thankstaking," I decided to list off what I'm thankful for this year. And since the holidays bring out my unrivaled pessimism, I'll also include my "Not Thankful and could do without" list. Enjoy.

THANKFUL:
1) That Tom and Katie finally stopped living in sin and tied the knot. Now baby Suri can grow up in a loving household with married parents.
2) It's once again time for Egg Nog and my holiday X-mas Mix. If you want more information, drop by Benson 318 sometime and I'll probably be chugging the Nog and rocking out to "Feliz Navidad."
3) Alan Alda = not dead. Another year and he STILL manages to survive despite the fact that he babysat Cain and Abel.
4) The fact that Vernon Davis is the greatest Madden '07 athlete in the world. Only one word can sum up his performance in third down situations: Shat-tastic.
5) Raheem Kajani's car and that I finally got the chance to drive it.
6) Friday Night Lights is greenlit for the rest of the season. Imagine if the show were cancelled this week after Smash starts using roids and Street confronts Riggins about sleeping with Lyla. I would never forgive NBC...except that they fund the war on terror.
7) Eva Green, Emmy Rossum, Carrie Underwood, and ESPN's Erin Andrews. SCHWING!
8) Undervalued New Zealand currency which will make studying abroad even cheaper.
and finally,
9) Iron Chef Masaharu Morimoto, who blends traditional Japanese cuisine with western flavors.

NOT THANKFUL:
1) The new Bush Administration. I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more Rumsfeld.
2) Global Warming.
3) Barry Zito is leaving Oakland/Fremont for greener pastures.
4) White People. I'm really sick of them keeping my people down and staging the 9/11 attacks for the sake of killing more brown people in the middle east. I hate those guys. Seriously.
5) Fruit on the bottom yogurt. The inconvenience of stirring the cup for 15 seconds is excruciating.
6) Paula Deen, Rachel Ray and Ina Garten. A whole blog entry is needed to express how much I hate the overweight female sector of FoodTV.
7) Fraggle Rock. That show still gives me the creeps and to this day prevents me from spelunking.
8) Long, drawn-out death montages on 'Grey's Anatomy.' Lots of crying. Quick cuts to reaction shots of the family members' faces. Meredith starts to weep but keeps it together. Soundtrack by The Fray. The only way that this could potentially be worse is if right before the patient dies, a giant smoke monster comes out of nowhere, throws him around the jungle and breaks his spine. As a matter of fact...
9) Smoke Monsters. R.I.P. Mr. Eko and the chances that I'll ever watch Lost again.

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a goodnight.

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