They were the most exciting 16 days of my life. That may sound unnecessarily superlative, but when I look back on them, they warrant the title.
Being back in the comforts of my cubicle-sized dorm room, it's good to see that things haven't changed too much. The sun still sets in the west. The Dodgers are still a few games out of the postseason. And Edgar Stiles is still dead.
And another fact that remains ever true is that "Dan" from cafeabroad.com (Keep up the boycott, loyal fans) continues to win gold medals at the Special Olympics. In response to my article on caving and skiing (as seen below), he busted out the old compliment sandwich. And I quote:
You have a really quirky style that makes for good 1st person narratives. Our travel journalists do a lot more 3rd person stuff and has more of a polished feel. I offered you the representative position because you have talent but it needs work. For example the lede in your story you buried, it's actually:
"I went from the bowels of the earth to the top of the world in the short period of a day and a half."
In exchange for your work I would match your work in effort to improve your writing.
He's done it folks! "Dan" has reached a level of idiocy that I only thought Paul DePodesta was capable of. I mean, what the hell is a "lede?" If he's criticizing me for having an "unpolished" writing style, he can at least spellcheck his damn e-mail. "Lede." Sounds like some kind of pain medication that Rush Limbaugh would get addicted to. "The conservative pundit was arrested in LAX this morning for possession of nearly two kilograms of ledes."
So this final e-mail proves it: "Dan" is never going to budge from his stance. In his perfect world, I'll continue to submit articles and try to prove my worth to him...like one of the minor Baldwin brothers trying to get Alec's approval. So Congrats, "Dan" (who I'm oddly picturing as the Del Taco spokesman). But at least I have the moral high ground of knowing that a) this blog alone gets more laughs than his entire website and b) I can spell the word "lead" correctly. Even my 6 year old cousin can do that. And he eats his own boogers.
I'd be tempted to respond to him, telling him that he's picking Darko over Wade in this situation...but it would be no use. And I'd probably just get frustrated and end up writing a two word e-mail where the second one would be "you."
So that's the last time that cafeabroad.com will be mentioned here. "Dan" can might as well go fishing with Fredo since he's dead to me. My enemies list is pretty short. Actually, it's just Richard Nixon's with his name crossed out and mine written in his place. But now it has one more name.
Part of me is glad that this whole ordeal is closed. On my trip, I bought a jade necklace in the shape of a spiral. It symbolizes new beginnings and harmony. Getting past this is just another step towards my inner, Kiwi peace.
So for the next few days I'll be recounting everything that occurred over the past two and a half weeks. It's a long list (but distinguished) that includes jet boating, hiking on glaciers, jumping off really tall buildings, getting stuck in tunnels, and strange kayaking guides. Most importantly, it's the story of personal growth and the realization that it takes exactly 13.5 days for people to understand my sense of humor.
By the end, I felt as though it was (in fact) time to go back home. But I'm still not sure if "home" means Auckland or Los Angeles.
-MGD
In honor of the Niners being on Monday Night Football and beginning their run towards the Super Bowl, I'll replace the "That's what she said" with the
Vernon Davis fun fact of the day:
Vernon can clean and jerk a Honda Civic, then jump over it and then outrun it in a 40 yard dash.
But I can't deprive you of this great "That's what she said," overheard on day 4 of my trip.
(Re: a parking spot)
"I didn't think you'd pull out that much!"
Being back in the comforts of my cubicle-sized dorm room, it's good to see that things haven't changed too much. The sun still sets in the west. The Dodgers are still a few games out of the postseason. And Edgar Stiles is still dead.
And another fact that remains ever true is that "Dan" from cafeabroad.com (Keep up the boycott, loyal fans) continues to win gold medals at the Special Olympics. In response to my article on caving and skiing (as seen below), he busted out the old compliment sandwich. And I quote:
You have a really quirky style that makes for good 1st person narratives. Our travel journalists do a lot more 3rd person stuff and has more of a polished feel. I offered you the representative position because you have talent but it needs work. For example the lede in your story you buried, it's actually:
"I went from the bowels of the earth to the top of the world in the short period of a day and a half."
In exchange for your work I would match your work in effort to improve your writing.
He's done it folks! "Dan" has reached a level of idiocy that I only thought Paul DePodesta was capable of. I mean, what the hell is a "lede?" If he's criticizing me for having an "unpolished" writing style, he can at least spellcheck his damn e-mail. "Lede." Sounds like some kind of pain medication that Rush Limbaugh would get addicted to. "The conservative pundit was arrested in LAX this morning for possession of nearly two kilograms of ledes."
So this final e-mail proves it: "Dan" is never going to budge from his stance. In his perfect world, I'll continue to submit articles and try to prove my worth to him...like one of the minor Baldwin brothers trying to get Alec's approval. So Congrats, "Dan" (who I'm oddly picturing as the Del Taco spokesman). But at least I have the moral high ground of knowing that a) this blog alone gets more laughs than his entire website and b) I can spell the word "lead" correctly. Even my 6 year old cousin can do that. And he eats his own boogers.
I'd be tempted to respond to him, telling him that he's picking Darko over Wade in this situation...but it would be no use. And I'd probably just get frustrated and end up writing a two word e-mail where the second one would be "you."
So that's the last time that cafeabroad.com will be mentioned here. "Dan" can might as well go fishing with Fredo since he's dead to me. My enemies list is pretty short. Actually, it's just Richard Nixon's with his name crossed out and mine written in his place. But now it has one more name.
Part of me is glad that this whole ordeal is closed. On my trip, I bought a jade necklace in the shape of a spiral. It symbolizes new beginnings and harmony. Getting past this is just another step towards my inner, Kiwi peace.
So for the next few days I'll be recounting everything that occurred over the past two and a half weeks. It's a long list (but distinguished) that includes jet boating, hiking on glaciers, jumping off really tall buildings, getting stuck in tunnels, and strange kayaking guides. Most importantly, it's the story of personal growth and the realization that it takes exactly 13.5 days for people to understand my sense of humor.
By the end, I felt as though it was (in fact) time to go back home. But I'm still not sure if "home" means Auckland or Los Angeles.
-MGD
In honor of the Niners being on Monday Night Football and beginning their run towards the Super Bowl, I'll replace the "That's what she said" with the
Vernon Davis fun fact of the day:
Vernon can clean and jerk a Honda Civic, then jump over it and then outrun it in a 40 yard dash.
But I can't deprive you of this great "That's what she said," overheard on day 4 of my trip.
(Re: a parking spot)
"I didn't think you'd pull out that much!"
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