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27 September 2007 - The One Where Max Channels his inner Bob Dole

The Phil Spector (no relation to Regina) trial reached a verdict today...and it looks like we've got a mistrial! But on the bright side, we've also got a hung jury. Hit it!


I've come a little bit set in my ways. After bungy jumping and all the assorted insanity you'd expect from someone with a death wish, life just seems a little bit dull.
So, I've decided to only speak in the third person from now on.
All of my heroes in life do it. Rickey Henderson. Bob Dole. God. Denny Crane. The Rock. Julius Caesar. Steve Holt. Barry Gibb. Duffman. Disco Stu. Homie the Clown. The Jimmy. And they've turned out okay. These are great men and being in their company would be a big step up for me. I picture myself standing on a balcony, standing before the Roman assembly, proclaiming "MAX WILL SAVE YOU FROM YOUR PLIGHT!" as I triumphantly exit as the huddled masses chant my name.

It will also further my existential crisis about whether or not I see myself through a purely objective lens. It's highly possible that we, as human beings, have a fundamentally flawed perspective of ourselves and when we turn our gaze inward, we do not see what the rest of the world does. There is a disconnect between the first and third person views of our lives. And through this experiment, I will hopefully merge the two and (as Leopold Bloom said) see ourselves as others do.

Or maybe Max just feels like being pretentious and figures that "Can you hand Max that jar of Nutella" is a great ice breaker.




P.S. After watching the premiere of House, I have one request: If I am ever in a situation where I'm in a coma or can't speak, the first thing that anyone should do is to teach me Morse Code so that I can communicate through blinking. Otherwise, it'll be tough for me to randomly guess the proper Morse for "Teach me Morse Code already you jackass."


-MGD
Max Davison is a junior at Claremont McKenna College, pursuing a dual major in Literature and Film Studies. He is the son of a son of a sailor and he recently went out on the sea for adventure. He expanded the view of the captain and crew like a man just released from endenture.

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