I'd gladly put together a pyramid scheme, but I don't think that would work. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of respect for pyramids. They're the most spectacular monuments ever built by man, so why shouldn't we use them as a business model?
The problem is that these are progressive "modern times," and it's basically illegal to enslave that many Jews, so I need to go in a different direction.
Genius money-making idea #1: The resurgence of the boy band. It's been at least 5 years since the last, truly great castrati quintet topped the pop charts. So I think we have to scour the orphanages around the globe like Lt. L.T. Smash and put together the next great boy band. And if successful, our members will assuredly have enough money to buy their way into the Russian space program.
GMMI #2: Create the Facebook group "For every person that joins, you owe me a dollar."
GMMI #3: Invent a deadly strain of a disease, manufacture the cure, then unleash the virus in a metropolis and hold the nation ransom. Although, I think that Braniac and Lex Luthor used this same tactic in an issue of JLA. But unlike these supervillains, I've got something going for me: there's no Superman in the real world. But just in case, I'm investing in some Kryptonite laced AXE.
GMMI #4: Kryptonite laced AXE body spray.
GMMI #5: Root Beer Float in a Can
So many times while I'm jetsetting around the globe, I wish I had in my possession a good old root beer float. But it takes so much effort to find a glass and then scoop out the ice cream and then make sure taht the root beer doesn't foam over.
My solution? A cola can with a layer of ice cream at the bottom. So as soon as you pop the top, it rises up to the top and starts to mix with the root beer. It's fast, it's refreshing, it's sponsored by both A&W and Dreyer's, and it's only $1.99 a can.
And as I always end these posts: if you steal any of these ideas, I will hunt you down and obliterate you.
Death to the infidels,
MGD
The problem is that these are progressive "modern times," and it's basically illegal to enslave that many Jews, so I need to go in a different direction.
Genius money-making idea #1: The resurgence of the boy band. It's been at least 5 years since the last, truly great castrati quintet topped the pop charts. So I think we have to scour the orphanages around the globe like Lt. L.T. Smash and put together the next great boy band. And if successful, our members will assuredly have enough money to buy their way into the Russian space program.
GMMI #2: Create the Facebook group "For every person that joins, you owe me a dollar."
GMMI #3: Invent a deadly strain of a disease, manufacture the cure, then unleash the virus in a metropolis and hold the nation ransom. Although, I think that Braniac and Lex Luthor used this same tactic in an issue of JLA. But unlike these supervillains, I've got something going for me: there's no Superman in the real world. But just in case, I'm investing in some Kryptonite laced AXE.
GMMI #4: Kryptonite laced AXE body spray.
GMMI #5: Root Beer Float in a Can
So many times while I'm jetsetting around the globe, I wish I had in my possession a good old root beer float. But it takes so much effort to find a glass and then scoop out the ice cream and then make sure taht the root beer doesn't foam over.
My solution? A cola can with a layer of ice cream at the bottom. So as soon as you pop the top, it rises up to the top and starts to mix with the root beer. It's fast, it's refreshing, it's sponsored by both A&W and Dreyer's, and it's only $1.99 a can.
And as I always end these posts: if you steal any of these ideas, I will hunt you down and obliterate you.
Death to the infidels,
MGD
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