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Paul Blart and Sequestration

While Kevin James' big screen career has focused on the fantastic yet impractical subjects1 of mall copping, zookeeping and boom coming, his television credits contain some true insight into modern middle class struggles.  A 2002 episode of The King of Queens offered an accurate, microcosmic and Nostradamic look at America's current debt ceiling/fiscal cliff/sequestration/Bill Maher fingerpointapalooza crisis.

In said episode (S'Poor House from season five), Doug and Carrie learn that their basement is riddled with mold.  It will cost $12,000 to replace the dry rot; a sum that the cash-strapped, lower middle class Heffernans (Doug works as a driver for the privatized and profitable IPS delivery service while Carrie is a secretary) can't possibly afford2.

At Carrie's insistance, Doug swallows his pride and petitions his father for a loan.  Mr. Heffernan, financially sound in his old age, agrees, but on the one condition that Doug finally balance his budget.  Specifically, he has to rein in his spend-happy wife.

After pouring over credit card receipts, Doug learns that Carrie has been charging a small fortune on designer labels (and doesn't even have the common sitcom decency to leave the tags on and return them later).  Carrie insists that upscale clothes are essential to her job, as she has to maintain her image at a top Manhattan law firm.

Offended by Doug's audacious accusation, Carrie insists that her spending isn't the issue.  When they first bought the house, Doug was warned about the leaky pipes yet he opted to ignore the problem, preferring to deal with it at a later date and time.  Like a nerd defending the Lost finale, Doug angrily and emotionally stammers as his wife storms out of the house.

The episode ends with Carrie and Doug stewing in self-disdain over their respective blunders.  They resolve to be more responsible so as to avoid any future mishaps.  And in pure sit-com fashion, the next episode conveniently skips over the issue of how to pay for the renovation and instead focuses on their wacky Russian mold expert, Steve Moscow3.

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The Heffernans' moldy basement raises the question of who to blame for crippling debts: the white male who merely watched as the red ink started to accumulate, or the charge-happy party who continues to spend and spend and spend and insists that they don't have a problem?


In five years, I will revisit this concept in my article: "How Cougar Town predicted the death of the penny."



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1. With the exception of the emotionally charged, cinematic gay rights treatise I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, which has become the David Palmer to marriage equality's Barack Obama.
2.The B-plot revolves around Carrie' septuagenarian father Arthur (Jerry Stiller) attempting to schmooze and gigoloa his way to financial security.
3. Balancing out any sort of philosophical equity derived from a subtle look at budgetary politics, we get a Russian character named Steve Moscow.  Well played, Zookeeper.  Well played.
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a.  Not sure if "gigolo" can be used as a verb, but "man-whore himself" seemed a bit too wordy, verbose and anti-Strunk-and-White for my purposes.

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