Skip to main content

Chivalry.com - "Single Princess Seeking Rescue"

DISTRESSED_DAMSEL:

Single princess seeking rescue.  I’m currently being held captive in a tower defended by a molten lava moat and possibly an enchanted riddle or three.  Exact details about my imprisonment aren’t important, but I will say it has been far too long since a knight has attempted to scale these walls and free me.

A bit more about myself: Before I was locked away, my ideal Sunday involved frequenting the market run by the local farmers, then trekking across the hillside before retiring to the castle to pop open a skin of wine.

I know this is a silly way to meet someone (we maidens all hope to find our Prince Charming through chance), but I believe in love and I’m ready to be rescued.  I’m not just looking for a hero; I’m looking for a best friend.


SHININGKNIGHT85:

My dear Damsel,

A carrier pigeon brought this parchment and I must say your letter truly spoke to me.  And I am not just referring to the beauty of your attached portrait (by the way, was that painted before or after your capture?).  I honestly feel as though we are both looking for the same things in life.

Let me know if you’re interested and I’ll break you free from that dungeon.  Maybe this Friday night?  There’s a double feature minstrel show at the New Beverly amphitheater and I think you’d really enjoy it.  Enclosed with this parchment is my own portrait.  The hunting dog at my feet is named Brutus.  He was a rescue.  Love the little guy.

P.S. There is no shame in sending out an S.O.S.  If anyone ever asks, we can say that we met when reaching for the same leg of mutton in the freezer case at Joe's trading post.


DISTRESSED_DAMSEL:

Ha ha!  You’re quite funny, ShiningKnight85!  Unfortunately, Friday doesn’t work for me.  My wicked stepmother fears that I will fulfill some ancient prophecy, supplant her power, and then take control of the kingdom.  Long story short, the planets are going to align this Friday so she’s stopping by to make sure that I haven’t been miraculously gifted with any magical abilities.  Trying to rescue me then would be far too perilous.

While we’re waiting to find a day that works, I’d love to know a bit more about you.  Where did you go to school?  Any secret talents?


SHININGKNIGHT85:

Wicked stepmother?  Terrible to hear that your folks split up.  Divorce can be a real downer.  The night sky on Friday was, indeed, beautiful.  Made me think of you.  Really hoped that you weren’t dead due to a politically-and-mystically-motivated homicide.

Born to noble parents, I squired on the east coast before moving back to the homestead to start my career in the kingdom.  Some call it dull, but wearing a suit every day works for me.  There is plenty more to say about my vocation, but it would be much easier to tell you about it in person.  Does Saturday night work for your schedule?


DISTRESSED_DAMSEL:

Sorry for not writing back sooner.  Work this past week has been insane.  Stepmother had me breaking rocks out in the garden for hours on end.  It was lonely, although I will say that it was nice to be let out of the tower for once.  And this next week might be even worse.  There’s talk of the peasants forming a militia to defeat my stepmother so I’m unsure as to my availability.

Before we make firm plans, I would still like to learn more details about your person.  Really want this rescue to be perfect.  How open are you to siring children down the line?


SHININGKNIGHT85:

Princess, I apologize in advance for being brusque, but you really seem to be dragging your feet.  Do you even want to be freed from that tower?  The whole reason someone sends out a plea for rescue is to find a knight to take her out.  You don’t have to stay in that lonely cell and be forced into slave labor.  All you have to do is say yes.  When you’re alone in a dungeon, you can’t afford to be picky.  Can you?


SHININGKNIGHT85:

I haven’t heard back from you recently, Damsel.  Sorry if that last message came off as hostile, but when there is a woman with beauty such as yours, I find it difficult to wait.  Hope you’re still in the tower and that your stepmother hasn’t gone through with the next phase of her political coup.


DISTRESSED_DAMSEL:

Of course I wish to find someone.  But if I’m going to be rescued, I want it to lead to something serious and meaningful.  I’ve seen what a broken marriage can do, particularly when there are claims to the throne involved.  I don’t want to end up back in a dungeon after embarking on a single quest.  I truly want to live happily ever after.  If that is also what you want, do write back and you can rescue me this Friday night.


AUTOMATED REPLY FROM CARRIER PIGEON:

We’re sorry, but the profile you messaged is no longer active with this service.


FIRST_TIME’S_THE_CHARMING:

Milady, I just received your call for help.  I feel as though we have so much in common and are both looking for the same things in life.  How does Saturday afternoon sound for a rescue and a hike through the canyon?

 **************








Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It was labor day weekend, I was 17. I bought a coke and some gasoline.

It's currently day three of my blogging adventure, and David Delgado has still not accepted my challenge to get off of his lazy ass and start writing. This is why a hunger strike may be necessary. If Mr. Delgado does not cave in and post a new entry by the end of this week, then on November 14th, I, Max Davison, will officially pull a Ghandi and abstain from eating for as long as it takes. Homer Simpson also utilized this tactic when the Springfield Isotopes were planning on moving to Albuquerque. It worked then, and it will work now if necessary. Onto the blogging... I had a rather pleasant dinner at the Ath tonight. It was a class dinner for Prof. Busch's GOVT20 class. The highlights included conversations about the Ivory Coast, strange roommates, and (most importantly) they had some great cheesecake. So great, in fact, that we raided the empty tables to ensure ourselves some extra slices. Cheesecake. I love it. Occasionally, I'm not sure if I want cake or a dairy
2 comments
Read more

25 October 2007 - I'm not sure what his appeal is, but he deserves better

Superman has kryptonite. Mike Tyson has Buster Douglas. Vince Young has grammar. We all have our weaknesses. But mine is a little bit more embarassing than any of the aforementioned (apart from VY's hatred of the present tense): dumb romantic comedies. Yes, it's not something that I like to admit and it's a vice probably better suited for the Probie or Sean Garrity , but I just like to sit down for an hour and a half, turn my brain off and watch two people fall in love. And apart from the Hanks/Ryan classics (which were ruined for me after Meg ditched Dennis Quaid for Cinderella Man ), there is one thread that links all of my favorites: Hugh Grant. I mean, just look at the guy. When he's not getting arrested for picking up hookers on Sunset (here's a better shot of the man), he's the epitome of the 90 minute romance. He's got "endearingly befuddled" down to an art form, he's also got perfect comedic timing and if you've ever seen hi
3 comments
Read more

24 September 2007 - The One Where Max Curses the Ayatollah

I've been reading up on the Middle east recently. It all started when I watched "Syriana" and was thoroughly confused. Although, watching George Clooney get tortured gave me the same sort of orgasmic bliss that I get from watching Kirk Gibson hobble around second base. Before I started studying, Ayatollah Khomeini was just that guy on the t-shirt that Homer refused to sell at his yard sale. So I have resolved to take as many Gov't classes when I get back to CMC. I'm prepared to ditch my ignorance about that giant bed of sand that happens to be floating on a sea of oil. But in my honest opinion, the greatest victim in the ongoing war between Islam and freedom has to be Yusef Islam, the artist formerly known to the world as Cat Stevens. In 1978, Cat Stevens converted to Islam and left the pop scene to focus on education and philthropy. In 1989, he called for Salman Rushdie's head on a platter, insisting He must be killed. The Koran makes it clear - if som
2 comments
Read more