To the casual fan, this promotional piece of
Star Wars Bazooka Bubble Gum is just another example of Disney commencing
primary ignition on their merchandising Death Star. But to the keen,
detail-oriented observer, this stick of gum contains a very accurate look at
the blueprints of the upcoming Episode VIII.
These unfortunate reveals occur far too
frequently, such as when the Guardians
of the Galaxy Vol. 2 action figures spoiled that Kurt Russell would
play Ego the Living Planet. Or the Civil War Lego set that let slip the unannounced appearance of
Giant Man. Or when the Mondo black light poster for Suicide Squad revealed that the
studio had locked David Ayer out of the post-production process.
THE WRAPPER
Luke Skywalker, Kylo Ren and a Porg are front
and center. This image
suggests that Kylo and Luke will face off, corroborating comments made by
director Rian Johnson as well as on-set reports that Mark Hamill and Adam
Driver shot scenes together. But
the insertion of the Porg into this central conflict is most intriguing.
It is easy to overlook, but the Porg has a shadow cast over its face, a clear
indication of the Dark Side. Sounds like LucasFilm is officially
appropriating our “Jar Jar is a Sith Master” theory into their own continuity.
THE COMIC
In a three-panel strip, a frustrated Poe
Dameron asks a series of questions. “Why isn’t my ship ready? Why
is this helmet so tight? Why won’t anyone answer me?” Rey responds,
“Forget an X-Wing. This guy should fly a WHY-wing bomber!” as Finn,
wearing Stormtrooper armor, rolls his eyes.
Even if Disney removes this scene from the
final cut (just for the sake of swerving audiences who have already figured out
the twist), the thematic implication is clear: a cynical Rey has lost
faith in the Resistance, presumably after uncovering the secret that General
Leia is her long lost mother.
Poe, meanwhile, shows signs of residual PTSD, or he might have been brainwashed by the First Order in Force Awakens. But I wouldn't want to speculate.
At the Star Wars Celebration in Orlando, John
Boyega stated that his character has “Big things in store for him.” It’s
now clear that he meant a Stormtrooper reunion with Captain Phasma (and thanks
to her concealed face, she could still very well be his biological mother).
More significantly, Finn is not wearing Poe’s
iconic jacket, so it seems unlikely that LucasFilm will put the two together as
a couple. And notable by her conspicuous absence in this bubble gum
narrative is the new Vietnamese character Rose Tico. Could her entrance
to the saga also be her exit? So much for Disney’s commitment to
diversity and inclusion.
THE GUM
The gum itself took 41 chews before it lost
flavor. Other fans have confirmed this number, with a few outliers saying
43 and one troll reporting 46. 41 is a key number in Star Wars lore, as at
the 41st minute of A New Hope, the Death Star annihilates the
planet Alderaan. And in the 41st minute of Episode II, we
meet Jango Fett and the Mandalorian clone army.
Both Leia and clones were focal points of the
spin-off novel “The Last Command," making it abundantly clear that Benicio
Del Toro’s as-of-yet unnamed character is Grand Admiral Thrawn, implying that
despite JJ Abrams' earlier comments, the Timothy Zahn novels are, in fact,
canonical. I’ll have to reread the entire Thrawn trilogy to discover
more plot spoilers...or avoid it entirely so I’ll be even slightly surprised
when I see the film.
THE VERY BOTTOM OF THE COMIC
In small print, Bazooka Joe offers the
one-liner: “BB-8 is BB-Great!” With his gaunt facial structure and his
trademark eye patch, Joe resembles which seemingly one-eyed Star Wars
character? Exactly. Supreme Leader Snoke.
So adding together both the reintroduction of
clones and the one-eyed Bazooka
Joe, this outright confirms the “Snoke is a clone of Darth Plagueis” theory
that circulated after Reddit user N3rfHerder77 solved the word search on the
back of the Force Awakens tie-in box of Rice Krispies.
Snoke is an ancient Force vampire who leeches
off of a Jedi’s energy before spitting them out, much like gum chewers do to
this product in a bit of meta-commentary that also mirrors what Kathleen
Kennedy does to her directors. I tell you, if this gum had been released
earlier, we would have seen the Colin Trevorrow firing coming from 12 parsecs
away.
One hoped that the people at LucasFilm would
have taken better precautions with spoilers in their licensed merchandise. They
might as well printed the entire screenplay on this wrapper. Disney could
have simply given us one or two scant clues and we’d still have plenty to chew
on.
Wait.
Chew on...
Chewy...
Chewbacca...
Oh good lord. We just got confirmation
that the Wookiee homeworld of Kashyyyk is going to explode in the Kathryn
Bigelow-directed Boba Fett spin-off!
-30-
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