It's currently day three of my blogging adventure, and David Delgado has still not accepted my challenge to get off of his lazy ass and start writing.
This is why a hunger strike may be necessary.
If Mr. Delgado does not cave in and post a new entry by the end of this week, then on November 14th, I, Max Davison, will officially pull a Ghandi and abstain from eating for as long as it takes. Homer Simpson also utilized this tactic when the Springfield Isotopes were planning on moving to Albuquerque. It worked then, and it will work now if necessary.
Onto the blogging...
I had a rather pleasant dinner at the Ath tonight. It was a class dinner for Prof. Busch's GOVT20 class. The highlights included conversations about the Ivory Coast, strange roommates, and (most importantly) they had some great cheesecake. So great, in fact, that we raided the empty tables to ensure ourselves some extra slices.
Cheesecake. I love it. Occasionally, I'm not sure if I want cake or a dairy product. Thank Zito for cheesecake. Now I can have my calcium and eat it too. It's delicious after a big steak dinner. It mixes well with cranberries or lemons. Good texture. Silky smooth. Kind of like a good woman....well, not the bit about after a steak dinner. Actually, on second thought, it just may... But you get my point.
Sadly, there has been a recent shift in the cheesecake spectrum. Similar to how the Christian Coalition caused every Protestant in the universe to vote Republican, a group has gone out of their way to claim this baked good for themselves. About whom am I speaking?
Women.
It all started in the early 1990s with The Golden Girls. Those four old broads would always get depressed over men, work, each other, Matlock. What was their respite? What was their balm in Gilead? A late night cheesecake and bitch fest. The female domination of cheesecake continued in the middle part of the decade with the institution of the Oprah Winfrey Show. Whereas the Golden Girls opened up cheesecake to older audiences, Oprah introduced it to a younger demographic. Before your grandmother and her knitting buddies would meet over cheesecake. Now militant feminazis and lesbians were using cheesecake as their battle cry in their ongoing war against "the man." Book groups now revolve around the dessert. Martha Stewart has multiple recipes as to how to personalize your own cake. Most recently, the four overweight bats and the one hot one, known as the hosts of "The View," have launced an assault on the daytime TV viewer. Stay at home moms are now claiming cheesecake as their "mid day snack." It's their manner of taking back the day. Women have also claimed CHOCOLATE as their own, comparing it to an orgasm. Some sort of bogus scientific information proves that the repsonse to chocolate is simliar to that of the elusive (and potentially non-existant) female oragasm. The adjective "sinful" no longer pertains to Satan or Jane Fonda. It now means "this brownie is so rich that it's SINFUL."
Men of the world, it is time that we take back our cheesecake. If you think about it, we have already claimed multiple dinner items. Steak. Burgers. Bratwurst. Baked Potatoes. Slabs of meat so big that if you finish it, it's free. Good, imported beer. Straight whiskey. MILK.
But we don't have a manly dessert. Milkshakes are universal, as are cake and pie. Ice cream belongs to both genders. And now we've lost cheesecake to our better half. I would like to start the initiative to find something so high in calories, so bad for you, so amazingly rich that it can be only be for a man. I'll be doing my part to find this dessert, and I hope that if you ever find something worthy, you will let me know.
It's bad enough that thanks to Sex and the City a man can't order a Cosmo without being thought of as gay.
One more thing: If you EVER use the phrase "PLATONIC CONCEPTION" around me and you're not referring to Jay Gatsby, I will hurt you. Badly.
Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for tomorrow's rant. And if Pau Gasol is reading, keep up the good work, buddy. My fantasy team is #1 thanks to you.
This is why a hunger strike may be necessary.
If Mr. Delgado does not cave in and post a new entry by the end of this week, then on November 14th, I, Max Davison, will officially pull a Ghandi and abstain from eating for as long as it takes. Homer Simpson also utilized this tactic when the Springfield Isotopes were planning on moving to Albuquerque. It worked then, and it will work now if necessary.
Onto the blogging...
I had a rather pleasant dinner at the Ath tonight. It was a class dinner for Prof. Busch's GOVT20 class. The highlights included conversations about the Ivory Coast, strange roommates, and (most importantly) they had some great cheesecake. So great, in fact, that we raided the empty tables to ensure ourselves some extra slices.
Cheesecake. I love it. Occasionally, I'm not sure if I want cake or a dairy product. Thank Zito for cheesecake. Now I can have my calcium and eat it too. It's delicious after a big steak dinner. It mixes well with cranberries or lemons. Good texture. Silky smooth. Kind of like a good woman....well, not the bit about after a steak dinner. Actually, on second thought, it just may... But you get my point.
Sadly, there has been a recent shift in the cheesecake spectrum. Similar to how the Christian Coalition caused every Protestant in the universe to vote Republican, a group has gone out of their way to claim this baked good for themselves. About whom am I speaking?
Women.
It all started in the early 1990s with The Golden Girls. Those four old broads would always get depressed over men, work, each other, Matlock. What was their respite? What was their balm in Gilead? A late night cheesecake and bitch fest. The female domination of cheesecake continued in the middle part of the decade with the institution of the Oprah Winfrey Show. Whereas the Golden Girls opened up cheesecake to older audiences, Oprah introduced it to a younger demographic. Before your grandmother and her knitting buddies would meet over cheesecake. Now militant feminazis and lesbians were using cheesecake as their battle cry in their ongoing war against "the man." Book groups now revolve around the dessert. Martha Stewart has multiple recipes as to how to personalize your own cake. Most recently, the four overweight bats and the one hot one, known as the hosts of "The View," have launced an assault on the daytime TV viewer. Stay at home moms are now claiming cheesecake as their "mid day snack." It's their manner of taking back the day. Women have also claimed CHOCOLATE as their own, comparing it to an orgasm. Some sort of bogus scientific information proves that the repsonse to chocolate is simliar to that of the elusive (and potentially non-existant) female oragasm. The adjective "sinful" no longer pertains to Satan or Jane Fonda. It now means "this brownie is so rich that it's SINFUL."
Men of the world, it is time that we take back our cheesecake. If you think about it, we have already claimed multiple dinner items. Steak. Burgers. Bratwurst. Baked Potatoes. Slabs of meat so big that if you finish it, it's free. Good, imported beer. Straight whiskey. MILK.
But we don't have a manly dessert. Milkshakes are universal, as are cake and pie. Ice cream belongs to both genders. And now we've lost cheesecake to our better half. I would like to start the initiative to find something so high in calories, so bad for you, so amazingly rich that it can be only be for a man. I'll be doing my part to find this dessert, and I hope that if you ever find something worthy, you will let me know.
It's bad enough that thanks to Sex and the City a man can't order a Cosmo without being thought of as gay.
One more thing: If you EVER use the phrase "PLATONIC CONCEPTION" around me and you're not referring to Jay Gatsby, I will hurt you. Badly.
Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for tomorrow's rant. And if Pau Gasol is reading, keep up the good work, buddy. My fantasy team is #1 thanks to you.
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