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A Festivus Miracle!

Although it's undeniably great to be back home, I was somewhat apprehensive about my first week of vacation. The spectre of Jury Duty was haunting my life. I was originally called back in October but got it postponed until the week before Christmas. Apparently "full time student" doesn't qualify as a decent excuse anymore. What's next, the army will start drafting paraplegics? That's not to say that the disabled can't serve in the military. No, I'm not going to discriminate against someone just because they're missing their legs and part of their right deltoid after a freak cornballer-related accident. Even though we may be able bodied, the folk in wheelchairs may be more able minded...as is the case with Professor Charles Xavier, who with one thought can make you strip off all your clothes, smother yourself in bacon fat and hide in your dirty clothes hamper. But I digress.
The good people at the Los Angeles County Superior Court (henceforth referred to as "beaurocratic motherfuckers") require that you call in the night before to check if you need to report the following day. Well, for five days in a row I did not have to report to the court house, so I am done with my civic duty.
That's right. I beat City Hall.
I guess that the DA just doesn't want to prosecute any offenders the week before Christmas. It's what Jesus would do. Whatever the cause may be, my only responsibility over the break is taken care of and I can get back to my normal pursuits of Fantasy NBA and my exercise ball.


Oh, and bad news about Japan's future decline in population. Upon reading this news, some may say "This doesn't affect me" and click out of the Netscape homepage. Listen: We have waited long enough for the Nintendo WII and the PS3. If there are fewer Japanese computer geeks, we may be stuck with our XBox 360's for a good long while. Also, the art of sushi preparation may be lost in as few as 3 generations. Let us pray that a Godzilla-related attack will not be on the horizon and that the Japanese people discover Cialis* as soon as possible. Maybe Daisuke Matsuzaka will become the Japanese equivalent of Raffy Palmiero and start promoting Viagra overseas. I'm sure that Scott Boras would appreciate the revenue.


* = And in the case of an erection that lasts more than 3 hours, do not consult your doctor. Just keep plowing away and produce some more little Ichiros.

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