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3 November 2007 - Speedy Delivery

It has only taken four and a half months, but the weather has finally warmed up in Auckland. Even though I still carry around my umbrella in my backpack (gotta be prepared for flash floods), I can confidently and pragmatically parade down the street in sunglasses and a t-shirt.
But most importantly...for the first time since I've been down here I've been able to wear shorts. Yes, I can finally bust the plum smugglers out of my wardrobe and flaunt my oddly-youthful calves. Yes, it has been far too long since my legs have been allowed to breathe. I've sported my favorite pair of jeans so much over the past semester that I've worn unfortunately placed holes into the back pocket and crotchal regions. So now I get to rotate in my khaki shorts and stop exposing my boxer shorts to anyone walking behind me.

This all ties together with my dream summer job: UPS delivery guy.

I mean, what could possibly be cooler than getting paid to wear shorts to work? What could be cooler? Plus, you get to hand deliver packages to all kinds of interesting people. You've got Christmas presents, gift baskets, drugs hidden in teddy bears.
There's a bit of a stigma about shooting the messenger. But the UPS guy is never a barer of bad news, only big boxes. He's like Santa Claus...only without the borderline breaking and entering and questionable relationship with midgets.
And most importantly, you never know how many lonely, desperate housewives you might find on your route. Yep, if TV has taught me anything, it's that women who look like Eva Longoria are never satisfied with their husbands and are always on the prowl for some skyrockets in flight. Hell, I'd even lower my standards if I had to drop off a package to Felicity Huffman.

So maybe instead of looking for PA work this next break, I should just submit my resume and flawless parking record to the good folks at UPS. Getting paid to wear shorts...what a country!

Death to the infidels,
-MGD

P.S. I've noticed that over the past two days, there has been a 200% increase in hits on my blog. According to the people at statcounter.com attribute this to searching for "Dan Coscino" on google and stumbling upon my post dedicated to freeing Earl Hickey. Well, in hopes that my web traffic continues to hit record highs, I will now be referencing DAN COSCINO in every subsequent post.
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