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Why the terrorists hate us: Infomercial Edition

There are two sorts of people who go to the gym on Saturday morning: those attempting to sweat off their hangover and those who had no plans on Friday night. I won't specify my reasons for being on the exercise bike.

It's Saturday morning, so naturally the only thing on broadcast TV are Ron Popeil infomercials, replays of SportsCenter and the Suite Life of Zack and Cody (sidebar: I nearly run over once by Ashley Tisdale. I'm not sure what was more disappointing: the fact that she is only 5'2" or that a child actress drives a luxury automobile that is unattainable for someone with my college degree).

So as I'm pedaling away, there are two screens in front of me. To my right is a graphic infomercial for St. Jude's Children's Hospital. Marlo Thomas takes us through a montage of children in incubators, cancer patients, smiles that fight through tears. It's brutal, gutting and plays upon our guilt...albeit for a good cause.

The screen on my left featured an equally graphic infomercial. This one advertises the Genie Bra. Because women with DD's have problems too. Are you tired having bra having cups that are too small? Sick of wires cutting into your boob? Have you had enough of sports bras that cause unsightly back fat to pile up? Have no fear. The Genie Bra is here to grant your support garment wishes.

Much like their advertised product, however, the informercial was front loaded. The first five minutes showed gorgeous models who have never felt comfortable in their bodies because of their enormous bazoomers. If only Marlo Thomas could petition for their plight as well. Yet after you're hooked in, then they switch to the 40+ house fraus who are actually going to dial the 800 number and pay the exorbitant shipping and handling charges.

St. Jude's patients or large women who actually need the Genie Bra. The 7am treadmill version of Sophie's Choice.

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