Apologies to everyone who's been bitching about me not updating my blog. Maybe this is indicative of how militant people without blogs are....until they decide to start one and get understandably lazy. Let me put it this way: the grass is not as easy to mow on the other side of the fence. And that was too awful of a metaphor for me to use. Moving on....
Recently, the New York Mets offered a two year deal to this man:
Recently, the New York Mets offered a two year deal to this man:
Julio Franco
I know what you're thinking. "Max, I really don't care about baseball to begin with. Why should a two year contract even interest me? By the way, Max, you're incredibly good looking and your bench press is SOOOOO impressive." Why should this deal excite you? Mr. Julio Franco, who has played first base for the Atlanta Braves over the past 5 seasons, is currently 47 years old. Yes. 47. As in the number after 46. When he fulfills his contractual obligations, he will be a 49 year old professional baseball player. Let me put it to you this way, the average NFL player retires around the age of 36. You are considered over the hill in the NBA if you're pushing 38.
Julio Franco has also continued to put up good numbers despite the fact that when he broke into the league, Ronald Reagan was president. In 2004 at the ripe old age of 44, he hit .309 with 57RBI and a slugging percentage of .441. Long story short, this man takes better care of his body than Sting. His entire corporeal form should be insured by Lloyds of London.
I have come up with the following theory:
In the case of a nuclear holocaust, only three things will survive: Cockroaches, Hostess Twinkees, and Julio Franco. He's going to keep on playing until at least the age of 66. Our children's children are going to say "Grandpa, was Julio Franco playing when you were a boy?" And I will gladly answer "Yes, sonny. He was. And back then, you could get a 20 minute phone call for only 99 cents!"
Some think that Jesus is an incredible figure because he died and came back from the dead. PSST. EVERYONE has done that. Jack Bauer died and came back in Season 4 of 24. Numerous superheroes have cheated death. Nikki Sixx, the drummer of Motley Crüe, was legally dead for half an hour before he was brought back.
Basically, coming back from the great beyond has been done before. Death is easy. Living is difficult. And Julio Franco is the oldest, hence the greatest, human being to ever live. His contributions to the world are going to be amazing. Imagine when he donates his body to science. His immune system has probably already cured cancer and AIDS and we'll just have to wait until he gets assassinated by a crazed Braves fan or when he decides that he has taught the world all that he can, and decides to ascend to his reward in the sky.
I would follow this man into battle.
Basically, Julio Franco died for your sins and no one has taken the time to say 'Thank You.'
Julio Franco may be the most underappreciated thing in the world since A-Ha's theme for the James Bond film 'The Living Daylights.' Download it. I dare you. It's pretty sweet.
So, that's my blog entry for this night of procrastination known as Monday. Wish me good luck on my Calc final.
"WHO WANTS TO HAVE SOME FUN! Now, are you just saying that you want to have fun or do you really want to have fun! Right now, there are 600 Titleists that I got from the driving range in the trunk of my car. Why don't we drive down to Rockaway and hit them......INTO THE OCEAN!"
-Cosmo Kramer
Julio Franco has also continued to put up good numbers despite the fact that when he broke into the league, Ronald Reagan was president. In 2004 at the ripe old age of 44, he hit .309 with 57RBI and a slugging percentage of .441. Long story short, this man takes better care of his body than Sting. His entire corporeal form should be insured by Lloyds of London.
I have come up with the following theory:
In the case of a nuclear holocaust, only three things will survive: Cockroaches, Hostess Twinkees, and Julio Franco. He's going to keep on playing until at least the age of 66. Our children's children are going to say "Grandpa, was Julio Franco playing when you were a boy?" And I will gladly answer "Yes, sonny. He was. And back then, you could get a 20 minute phone call for only 99 cents!"
Some think that Jesus is an incredible figure because he died and came back from the dead. PSST. EVERYONE has done that. Jack Bauer died and came back in Season 4 of 24. Numerous superheroes have cheated death. Nikki Sixx, the drummer of Motley Crüe, was legally dead for half an hour before he was brought back.
Basically, coming back from the great beyond has been done before. Death is easy. Living is difficult. And Julio Franco is the oldest, hence the greatest, human being to ever live. His contributions to the world are going to be amazing. Imagine when he donates his body to science. His immune system has probably already cured cancer and AIDS and we'll just have to wait until he gets assassinated by a crazed Braves fan or when he decides that he has taught the world all that he can, and decides to ascend to his reward in the sky.
I would follow this man into battle.
Basically, Julio Franco died for your sins and no one has taken the time to say 'Thank You.'
Julio Franco may be the most underappreciated thing in the world since A-Ha's theme for the James Bond film 'The Living Daylights.' Download it. I dare you. It's pretty sweet.
So, that's my blog entry for this night of procrastination known as Monday. Wish me good luck on my Calc final.
"WHO WANTS TO HAVE SOME FUN! Now, are you just saying that you want to have fun or do you really want to have fun! Right now, there are 600 Titleists that I got from the driving range in the trunk of my car. Why don't we drive down to Rockaway and hit them......INTO THE OCEAN!"
-Cosmo Kramer
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Kate
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