16 September 2007 - The Juice

Sorry for not updating with greater frequency. But I have an excuse. Recently, I've come down with a bad case of laziness. Yes. Laziness. If alcoholism can be considered a disease, so can laziness. I'm going to petition the AMA to accept my condition as a medical disease, similar to Gymnophobia. I know that there are at least dozens of us with this problem. DOZENS!!!

So I've decided to take a slight hiatus from writing about the trip of my lifetime to talk about an issue that's very important to me.
Recently, one Orenthal James Simpson has come under scrutiny for allegedly breaking into a room at the Palace Station Casino and robbing it.
Did he do it? I'm reserving judgement. Because even though ALL the evidence might show that OJ grabbed the loot and ran out of the hotel like he was bolting through an airport, this could very well be another attempt by The Man to frame an innocent black man.

Not gonna lie, I was rooting against OJ during the Trial of the Century. I was positive that we were going to get a guilty verdict. But what did I know? He was innocent all along.
And I'm tired of being on the losing side. So I'm going to support the Juice during these horrendous allegations.
I'm going to take a page from Tropicana's marketing team and scream "FREE OJ" until he's exonerated. You can beat this rap, Juice. And if they do find you guilty, at least it won't be for a double life sentence. So you've got that going for you.

-MGD

Vernon Davis Fun Fact of the Day:
Vernon can punch a diamond so hard that it turns back into a hunk of charcoal.

Comments

HR's Response to the Always Be Closing Speech

--> Dear Mr. Blake- My office has received numerous complaints in response to Tuesday’s speech to the sales team re: the Glengarry leads. These troubling accusations detail inappropriate conduct such as: verbal abuse, workplace bullying, emasculation, damage to self-esteem and emotional health, and the overall fostering of a hostile and cutthroat work environment, all of which flies in the face of the mission statement and core values of Mitch & Murray Real Estate. You employed inflammatory language and certain epithets that you can’t use anymore (and never should have been able to use, if we’re being honest), leading to a speech that was offensive to a multitude of groups, even those not present in the room (Note to self: We should make a concerted effort to hire at least one woman to our sales staff). In another office, any of these infractions would be grounds for termination. Per our company guidelines, however, we are now consideri...

Quick Hit

My rule of thumb regarding heavy drinking has always been: Go as hard as you want, but make sure that someone else in your party is drunker than you are. That way, the next morning as your friends decompress the night and tag photos on Facebook, they'll say, "Yeah, you were pretty sloshed last night, bro. But did you see Reginald? That dude blacked out, tried to put a bouncer in the figure-four leglock, and then texted his mom to brag about it!" No matter how crazy you acted, no matter how many women slapped you for being sexist, no matter how many off color jokes you told (that you swear are funny but everyone else just didn't understand the context), no matter how badly you wrecked your credit card statement by buying drinks for people you had never met before, you can sleep well knowing that the other guy is going to pull focus. Well, that's essentially Newt Gingrich's role at the GOP debates. *****

The man who will NEVER Die

Apologies to everyone who's been bitching about me not updating my blog. Maybe this is indicative of how militant people without blogs are....until they decide to start one and get understandably lazy. Let me put it this way: the grass is not as easy to mow on the other side of the fence. And that was too awful of a metaphor for me to use. Moving on.... Recently, the New York Mets offered a two year deal to this man: Julio Franco I know what you're thinking. "Max, I really don't care about baseball to begin with. Why should a two year contract even interest me? By the way, Max, you're incredibly good looking and your bench press is SOOOOO impressive." Why should this deal excite you? Mr. Julio Franco, who has played first base for the Atlanta Braves over the past 5 seasons, is currently 47 years old. Yes. 47. As in the number after 46. When he fulfills his contractual obligations, he will be a 49 year old professional baseball player. Let me put it to you thi...

Max-stravaganza

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