19 September 2007 - The One Where Max Gets Addicted

I've stayed moderately clear of addiction through my first 20 years. Well, that's not entirely true. There's Halo 2, Facebook and Entourage. And that one time I fell under the spell of opium when I was travelling the Yangtzee in search of a Mongolian horsehair vest. I had got to the market after sundown, all of the clothing traders had gone, but a different sort of trader still lurked about. "Just a taste," he said. That was all it took. But apart from that, I'm clean.
And then I came to New Zealand and got corrupted by a force so powerful that the Pope would sell his soul for it. I'm talking of course, about Nutella.

Manufactured by Ferrero, Nutella (pronounced new-tell-a) is a Hazelnut spread that goes great on toast...as well as everything else in the world since the second ingredient is Cocoa Powder. It's essentially chocolate frosting masquerading as peanut butter.
And I can't stop eating it. I make Nutella and jelly sandwiches. Nutella on rice cakes. Nutella on Nutella. Nutella straight out of the jar. Just licking the knife after making a sandwich.
Some have remarked that Red Bull acts like a gateway drug, getting you ready for harder stuff like cocaine or speed. Well Nutella makes Crack look like Sanka.
I'm honestly afraid that I'm going to make a fortune and then blow it away snorting lines of Nutella off of supermodels. And then I'll be sitting on Melrose, whoring myself out for my next fix of that hazelnutty goodness.
We've all seen Requiem for a Dream. This kind of stuff happens all the time.

I previously marked out over the Chocolate Waterfall at the Cadbury Chocolate Factory in Dunedin, NZ. Well now I have to visit the Nutella factory and hope that I can white water raft down the Nutella river.

I've compiled a long list of things that I would like to either see topped with Nutella or made out of Nutella.
1) Belgian Waffles
2) Soft Serve Ice Cream
3) Shaving Cream
4) Shampoo/Conditioner
5) Pizza
6) Muffin Tops
and of course 7) Carrie Underwood

The problem is, there's no Rehab for Nutella addiction. There's no ludovico technique to cure me of my habit. There's only one drastic solution left: Don't buy it. I currently have half of a jar yet and that should last me through the night. But afterwards, I'm going cold turkey.
Pray for me, everyone. It's going to be a rough couple of weeks.

-MGD

Vernon Davis Fun Fact of the Day:
George Bush may not care about black people, but Vernon Davis sure does.

Comments

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